Beautifully Ugly
We accept the love we think we deserve.
- Stephen Chbosky
I am sharing a poem I wrote many years ago. I have shared it before. It is from a time when I didn’t like myself very much. The words simply flowed from me as if writing themselves.
The poem is called Beautifully Ugly. I am putting it here to remind myself how much things can change. Change is the one constant.
Tear stained face; heavy makeup shows the trail like rivers snake through land
Heaving breath, grasps as I gaze at an image of myself
Break me? I’m broken
My fear stems from my hate of this tear stained face
No life behind these sad eyes, just a plea
How can you love me when I don’t love me?
Wear a mask, bright smile on my face
It doesn’t touch my eyes
I need your approval
I never thought mine counted for anything
Desire, burning passion a need to belong, to be held
But how can you love me when I don’t love me?
Every step I crumble
Every word I choke
Devastate me?
I fear your love, because I don’t deserve it.
I crave your love because I need it
Love me, heal me, but how can you love me when I don’t love me?
Hear my plea, because I will never ask for your help
I nearly broke you once and won’t do it again
This is not the end I can promise you that
This is just the beginning
My strength stems from the fact that I am still here
As does my torment
Hate me because I hate myself
Love me because I’m still here
My veins pulse warm blood, that is the way it will stay
All I have to do is find the strength to be loved
Until then don’t misinterpret my distance as arrogance
Cherish me because my heart beats and longs for love, for life, for you
Break me? I’m already broken.
How can you love me when I don’t love me?
Look into my eyes and touch my soul
My heart is yours
It never belonged to me, I am beautifully ugly
I am Beautifully Ugly
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